The most difficult thing about following God's call is leaving where you've been. And that's certainly true for me as I prepare to retire. I will miss you profoundly. We've come to know and care deeply for the people of St. Paul’s during our time here. As I mentioned in the letter announcing my retirement, I’ll always keep you in my prayers and close to my heart. You’re wonderful, and it’s been a privilege serving you. As we age we tend to reminisce. The summer of 1973 seems ages ago, and now that I think about it, I suppose it was. I was a seminarian at the time and accepted a call to serve a community church in Cheverie, Quebec, Canada for the summer. It was an Englishspeaking fishing village just about 30 miles south of the Labrador border. Albeit that I spent only 3 months among the 250 people of that village, I wept most of the flight home, beginning at the dirt airstrip in Cheverie all the way to Logan Airport. More than that, the faces of those folks pop to mind again and again, and when they do, I offer prayers for them -- that after only 3 months. So just imagine how much more my heart and mind will be filled with thoughts and feelings of you as well as prayers for your wellbeing. I’ll miss you so much!
Now it may seem strange to talk about leaving while at the same time planning to stay in the same place. How is it possible to leave and stay at the same time? As many at St. Paul’s know from the experience of Peter’s retirement, almost ten years ago, a rector is not permitted to remain involved with the people of the parish he or she has served after that priest has left. While this is hard to do, it is a rule that has proven to be in the best interest of both the retiring priest and the Church community.
I don’t often stop to think about it. I suppose few of us do until we're faced with calls to make a significant change. But most of the main characters in the Bible spent much of their adult lives moving from one place to another. Adam and Eve did; but so did Noah, Abraham and Sarah, Jacob, Moses, the Israelites, many of the judges and prophets, St. Paul, and, of course, Jesus, Himself. Faith involves action, and action often involves movement. That's one of the reasons people speak of faith as a journey. I imagine all those biblical heroes experienced some of the same kinds of feelings that we do as we prepare to follow God on the next leg of the journey that He's laid out before us. I feel grief -- the loss of familiar friends and activities, intermingled with exhilaration -- the excitement of a new adventure. Nonetheless we must follow our sense of God's call and be faithful to it even if it entails the pain of loss.
More than one person recently has asked me, "How do you know when, or if, God is calling you to do something?" Discernment involves listening to God and also knowing yourself and His gifts to you. When I try to discern God's will and God's call, I use my head, my heart, my loved ones, my intuition, my awareness of myself and my circumstances, scripture and lots of prayer -- to determine who I am and what God is calling me to be and to do.
What do all those sources tell me? Scripture tells me that a follower of Christ never retires from serving God or representing Christ to those around him. It’s never a matter of whether God wants us to serve Him, but rather how. Scripture also points out that His people, whom He calls to serve Him, often have different stages in their ministries. My knowledge of myself has told me that, while God has continued to bless different aspects of ministry or gifts that God has been gracious enough to grant me, such as preaching, teaching and spiritual guidance, I have been exhausted for too long, and those closest to me have been keenly aware of it. That has affected my performance of other aspects of parish ministry, including administrative attentiveness, casual encounters and my level of patience. Unchecked, this can only hamper my impact upon the strength of the church, and that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. After much prayer over the past couple of years I have only found that God has said, “The time has come.” And my interpretation of that is that my time to shift the focus and context – the expression -- of ministry has come.
I’ve never felt that I’ve had much skill at writing, but there are things that seem to me compelling to be said. I haven’t been able to try to do so amidst the demands of parish life, but I feel deeply drawn in that direction. My role is to put myself at God’s disposal, and to see what comes of it. Who knows, it may just be that I’m becoming a curmudgeon in my advancing years, and that’s all I’ll find. We’ll see.
That leads me to St. Paul’s. God's call for me to leave thrusts upon St. Paul’s a discernment process as well -- the search for a new rector, yes, but also an inner spiritual one as well. As all discernment does, it requires self-knowledge and knowledge of God, but also the willingness to follow where God wants the church to go. The journey of faith means most significantly movement within -- an inward journey of spiritual growth -- of growth in Christ -- becoming who God wants you to be and doing what God wants you to do. That applies to churches as well as individuals.
St. Paul’s has all sorts of strengths. I've mentioned them often before. They include, but are not limited to, the following: The people of God at St. Paul’s are deeply spiritual and devoted to God. The people of God at St. Paul’s are focused on worship and the sacraments. The people of God at St. Paul’s are open to the Holy Spirit. The people of God at St. Paul’s are prayerful and have a healing ministry. The people of God at St. Paul’s are compassionate. The people of God at St. Paul’s are eager to reach out to help those in need and care about the wider community. The people of God at St. Paul’s are generous. The people of God at St. Paul’s care about children’s ministries. The people of God at St. Paul’s are committed and open to volunteer. St. Paul’s is a great church!
For all that is good at St. Paul’s, or any community for that matter, there are also opportunities for growth as well. St. Paul’s has room for growth in the area of hospitality toward newcomers. Shyness can be overcome with a little effort to override the discomfort of first encounters. Somewhat related to this is that people could learn better how to speak clearly with the people directly involved about the questions, concerns and ideas they have related to matters at the church and resist the temptation to speak to third parties about it instead. Direct and clear communication is not confrontation, and disagreement need not give rise to triangulation or politicization. There is also room for growth in self-sacrifice related to stewardship. The more we give the more room there is for God to provide and the greater is the potential for gratitude and joy.
The goal of the church is not to get our way, after all, but to seek God’s ways. Trust in God and each other -- sharing in a spirit of mutual respect, humility, gratitude, joy and love. These are basic to our baptismal covenant. And as I think about it, the fruit of the Spirit that St. Paul mentioned come to mind -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, endurance, and self-control.
I suppose they could be summed up in love. What Jesus said to us was"How can you say that you love God, whom you haven't seen, if you don't love your neighbor, whom you have seen?" As Paul said, loosely translated of course, is no matter how much outreach you do, no matter how liturgically correct you try to be, no matter how doctrinally orthodox you are, or how hard you try to help others experience God the way you have, if you don't love you're missing the point. “Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not seek its own way. It is not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs.” Love is the goal -- love for God and for one another. Our love shows that Christ is alive among His people and that they want to follow His lead. So trust God, follow the leadership of Jesus Christ, and love one another. The Christian Faith -- the life of discipleship -- is that simple and that demanding.
I'm confident in God's ability to do ever more amazing things among His people at St. Paul’s and in your ability to grow stronger in Christ all the time. My prayer is that God will add even more of the fruit of the Spirit to the amazing gifts and marvelous attributes that St. Paul’s already has. I'll continue to pray for God to increase the attributes of Christ's Spirit at St. Paul’s. May God grant you the grace to discern and follow His call to be who He wants you to be.
Love and Peace in Christ,
Phil +