Have you ever told someone that you were forced to go to church as a child? I know I have. As a child of divorced parents my church attendance was spotty at best, and I always felt like the other kids in Sunday School knew all the answers. I was the outsider, the unchurched kid. Yet still my father encouraged me to attend church with him, encouraged me to go to Sunday School, and encouraged me to attend church functions and events. But if you ask me, I was forced to go.

Recently at a retreat for youth, I heard a lot of young people share the same type of stories. In very personal and serious ways, various youth at the recent Happening 59 retreat shared the feeling of not being comfortable or welcome in the church structure or in church services. Yet these same youth shared amazing stories of coming to understand their faith in God in their shared experiences with their friends and family. In the course of their lives, God was speaking to them in the tragedies and celebrations that they faced even at a young age.

Adolescents tend to express, at the very least, a faith in a higher being, a faith and love that they feel most strongly when engaged with their peers. Not surprisingly, occasions like summer camp, youth groups, and retreats with their peers tend to be some of the most important spiritual experiences of their early life.

As a parent, albeit of a toddler, I still think about and probably share with other parents a reluctance to force or highly encourage young people to attend church or church functions against their will. I want to respect their freedom; I want them to feel free to choose their own path, to empower them to take control of their own decisions regarding their faith. Or do I?

Of course I hope for all youth the opportunity to know God on their own terms and to reach a point in their development where they make an adult decision that a life in Christ is a life based in Love and ultimate good. What better option could there be?

Yet at the same time there are so many things that youth are required to do because it is good for them. No teenager (or at least very few) thinks twice about waking up in the morning and going to school. It is required, and it is good for them. They are required like the rest of us to follow rules and restrictions, because they are good for them.

When I was in Middle School, I even wanted to quit a few things. I wanted to quit soccer, but my parents highly encouraged me to finish the season (and I played several more seasons). I wanted to quit the school play, and again my parents encouraged me to continue. Because of their encouragement, I’ll always prize being the King of Hearts in “Alice in Wonderland”; I only had a few lines, anyway. Not to mention I learned all of the songs to “The Wizard of Oz” in the next play. Go ahead and ask me to sing the part of the Mayor of the Munchkin City.

My point this month is that some things that are good, beneficial and truly enjoyable for our children take some encouragement from time to time. Maybe our youth even need to be, dare I say, “forced” to attend a few church activities that may truly change their lives.

All the while our goal is for our parish youth to develop a unique and independent sense of their place in our common life in Christ. Our goal is to provide opportunities for those free and independent moments when our teens and adolescents share with their friends honest and praiseworthy expressions of their love of God.

Those moments are happening at St. Paul’s youth groups and Confirmation classes, at the Episcopal Conference Center, and at diocesan youth events. I hope the youth of your family will be encouraged to be a part of these moments of grace where God’s love breaks through to the children of our community.